Relationships hold amazing sway over people.
Nothing boosts a person’s well-being like a happy, healthy relationship. Even when we are in hell, it is all somehow more bearable when we have a partner by our side. At the same time, very little in life can crush us as completely as a relationship in distress. The rest of life can be fantastic but still feel lonely and pointless when our relationships are filled with fighting and conflict.
You don’t need to do things simply because your parents did them that way.
Couples get into trouble when they get stuck doing things because that's how they've always been done rather than because they're working. When we're not paying attention, we easily behave in ways that get in the way of what we want. We stop playing fair with each other.
My job is to help you feel safe as we clarify why you're actually in this relationship.
Depending on the nature of what you are bringing through the door, I will pull creatively from a range of models that can help us make sense of things. I am in an ongoing process of curiosity, collaboration, and exploration of how to assist my clients, but here are some approaches that I lean on most:
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Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) is an attachment-based model that helps couples develop and/or strengthen their relationship so that it can become a resource for comfort, soothing, security, companionship, sex, or anything else both partners want.
PACT recognizes that because we are biologically wired to promote our own survival first (we are all self-serving), we are inherently vulnerable to acting in ways that interfere with our own relational goals. PACT helps people in relationships do the right thing when doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do. Like any good couple therapy PACT is nonjudgmental.
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EFT is an attachment-based therapy. It is rooted in the idea that what we seek and need in our intimate relationships is the secure felt-sense that we are both loved and worthy of love. Distressed couples find themselves in a never-ending loop of fighting, fighting, fighting, often like a bad rerun. They get stuck because the fight is never about what the fight is about.
EFT helps break the conflict cycle by supporting couples in looking beneath the surface for the inevitable vulnerable feelings of pain or longing or terror or shame that drive conflict from behind the scenes. When couples bring these tender feelings to the surface—when they express the needs connected to their feelings in a vulnerable way—they move from hurting to healing one another. EFT helps couples slow down and create security.
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It is a sad fact that most couple therapists do not have training in sex therapy. There is a mistaken belief that if a couple improves their relationship, then any problems in the bedroom will take care of themselves. This is simply not true. Sex must be addressed as a thing in and of itself, and given how vulnerable this topic can be, we must pay attention with care and curiosity.
I trained in sex therapy because, regardless of what kind of erotic life a couple wants to have, they deserve competent guidance when they are at odds with things like differences in how often to have sex or differences in sexual preferences, or when they simply need information about how our bodies work. I invite all my couples to consider if there is anything about sex or sexuality they want to address in our work together.
One thing worth keeping in mind: it's never one person's fault.
If you want couple therapy to be a forum for casting blame, I'm not the right fit. Trust is repairable as long as you're both willing to face where it's been lost.
Frequently Asked Questions
If you can’t find the answer you’re looking for, don’t hesitate to reach out to me here.
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As of now, I am licensed in Washington and Colorado and so I can only work with clients who are in those states.
Washington is currently in the process of becoming part of the Counseling Compact, which would allow me to see clients across the country.
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I currently meet with clients virtually.
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My fee for couple sessions is $285/hr.
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I am not on any insurance panels. Unfortunately, the rules around insurance coverage are designed for individual treatment and have not been adjusted for work with couples. As a result, there is at present no insurance reimbursement for couple therapy.
I am happy to speak to you about this if that would be helpful.
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I hold a limited number of slots for adjusted-fee situations. Adjustments are determined at the beginning of therapy.
Please contact me if you’d like to discuss this further.
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I accept check, credit card, and Zelle. I prefer Zelle because it does not charge a processing fee. If you choose to use a credit card, there is an additional $10 charge to cover the processing fees.
Payment for all services is due at the time of service.
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Yes, of course. I appreciate how important fit is when choosing a therapist and I'm happy to arrange a free 30min Zoom call.
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All sessions run for 55 minutes, including any time needed for scheduling subsequent meetings or payment.
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Your appointment time is reserved for you, and for you alone. In the event that you need to cancel, please give me a full 4 days (96 hours) notice.
If you cancel with less notice or do not come at all, you will be charged a fee equal to the full session fee. I do not generally provide telephone therapy. However, any phone consultation of significant length will be charged at my usual rate.